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Dirty Calendar

by Noel Shiri

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1.
Hello, good morning I could not help noticing The smoke that curls Through the cold red leaves Hello, good evening I still don’t know why I decided I was leaving The clues converge on one single theme Leave it on the doorstep We made ourselves tangled The dappled sun across the creek up to your ankles You were in love, and I aspired to be Leave it on the doorstep Hello, good morning I could not help noticing The way your lungs rattle when you breathe Hello, how are you? It’s been a while since I have seen anything good through That clean charisma makes it hard to see Leave it on the doorstep And when we have faltered The dark combined to leave you broken on an alter If your weary soul can’t get back inside to me Leave it on the doorstep
2.
News 03:25
Love is a fickle thing Love is a fickle thing God makes the choir sing Love is a broken horse Love is a broken horse I am immune, of course Love is a burning bush Love is a pull and push Love is Love is news Hope is a feathered thing Hope wears a feathered wing Here, where it sits upon the wire You loaded up your gun At the start of act one Now all you have to do is fire And from the dawning age Please build a larger cage Love is Love is news Here is a course of action With many benefactors Get away with murder on a stage This is a kiss that's warm This is a twisted arm In the end, whose debt needs to be paid Grace is a mother's smile Faith is the bloody Nile And love is news
3.
Drifting 02:43
I’ve got a freighter ship A hull that shines and engines gleaming I am so full of it You can’t be sure of what you’re hearing I’ve got a telephone Sits in the corner always ringing I’ve got a freighter ship The decks are cold The captain’s singing I don’t know how to get this thing to go I’ve been drifting on my own I’ve got a fighter jet The guns are loaded for my offspring I haven’t started yet But when I do you will have lost me I’ve got some time to kill I’ll use a pillow Do it softly I’ve got a fighter jet The pilot don’t know what it cost me She says I, I don’t know how to get this thing to go I’ve been drifting on my own I’ve got a bullet train The tracks have been detached for days now When they get it up again It won’t be back There can be no doubt Its engineers have done The cunning things that engineers do I’ve got bullet train But I’m the one they did those things to I don’t know how to get this thing to go I don’t know how to get this thing to go I don’t know how to get this thing to go I’ve been drifting all alone
4.
The long, dark history of longing The long, thin thread through every year And long noses where they shouldn’t be A calendar that settles in and puts its roots down here The cartography of wanting A different road on every page And the frontward gaze you’re supposed to have Is fumbling and faltering and shaking, looking back I’m inclined to forget it If you’d be so kind Close those eyes, honey Let it Wash away that Thing they say Is blind Ancient tales about the ice and cold Chase each other down inside your head Until the only thing you can think of Is which words you’d choose if she should find the nerve to ask again The manifesto of maturity States it isn’t merely growing old It’s growing locks with only one good key And immunities to wanting things all glitter and no gold I’m inclined to forget it If you’d be so kind Close those eyes, honey Let it Wash away that Thing they say Is blind The best part about amnesia Is not knowing how very close you came To pinning down the last free, wild thing On your side of the blue, it’s tough to beat me at this game I’m inclined to forget it With a wink and a wave Dive headfirst, honey Let it Prove me wrong About which of us Was brave
5.
My Birthday 03:32
From the roots in your tea to the foot of your bed The gloves you’re always wearing Leave behind a scent of petty theft And it follows to say I was a cut and dry head case Whose words could be each folded into thirds So very neatly And you are Always up You’re never sleeping You’re a hard act to follow, baby, but It’s my birthday And I'm getting old The man in the machine cracked the codes to your head Your eyes were drooping and you’ve Finally given me A place to stand And it follows to say Light shines brighter when it’s on your face And even Simon Peter needed proof Sorry for faking But you are Always up You’re never sleeping You’re a hard act to follow, baby, but It’s my birthday And I'm getting Getting up My window’s creaking If you beg you can borrow baby but It’s my birthday And I’m getting old I am getting old Outside the gray is falling down Dark liquid split up ounce by ounce From where i stand the earth grows Smaller and smaller and smaller Smiling just like we taught her In her shiny new collar Doing tricks that I thought were Always up You're never sleeping You’re a hard act to follow, baby, but It’s my birthday And I’m getting Getting up My window’s creaking If you beg you can borrow, baby, but It’s my birthday And I’m getting Getting sick And tired of thinking It’d be easy without you, baby, but It’s my birthday And I’m getting old Pity me, sweetheart ‘Cause this city is cold Do me a favor I just want to go Home
6.
Sagittarius, baby You find yourself winterborn, like me Can you believe there are people who believe There are maids under the sea Fishermen loathe to reel them in And the heat that’s in between Should stay where it is Granny grunts Granny itches She’s got bad feet and cataracts Granny hums She is tired Since baby took her eyesight back Hear the drums See the shovels The salmon rot along on the shore You have run You have blistered But, baby, you still want some more Sagittarius, baby You find yourself winterborn, like me Can you believe there are people with reprieve Keep your arrows sharp, baby You’ll need ‘em if you wanna get through to me Would you believe I am trying to believe You should spoon off my skin Granny grunts Granny itches She’s got bad feet and cataracts Granny hums She is tired Since baby took her eyesight back Hear the drums See the shovels The salmon rot along on the shore You have run You have blistered But, baby, you still want some more And his love was just another chore
7.
Rainbow 03:38
Just beyond the rainbow Behind the waterfall Is something that we all must gauge The possibilities were Shaky from the start Potential is its own sweet cage So tell me that it’s good enough if I find something small to love Tell me that the spring and thaw won’t change Remind me to hold my head up and That it’s best to laugh at something ‘Cause the lucky ones are old and gray You may say that life will Be what it will be But me, I live in mourning veils Arriving without reason Leaving without shame To see is to see who you’ve failed So tell me that it’s good enough if I find something small to love Tell me that the spring and thaw won’t change Remind me to hold my head up and That it’s best to laugh at something ‘Cause the lucky ones are old and gray Just beyond the treeline Old elm and new bamboo Strange shadows in the gloom, slinking Nothing good between here And Lake Le Homme Dieu I’m happiest with you, I think So tell me that it’s good enough if I find something small to love Tell me that the spring and thaw won’t change Remind me to hold my head up and That it’s best to laugh at something ‘Cause the lucky ones are old and gray
8.
He carried his weight As he walked out the gate With a cheekbone just starting to bruise And when he returned He was covered in burns And just conscious enough to refuse He said Brother, I've taken these eyes on vacation And I've seen things all the way through The air is much sweeter The grass is much greener And we can drink its morning dew Oooh Both feet on the floor Through a mouthful of porridge And daring someone to protest She threw down the bowl And then stepped on the pieces And said, you ain't seen nothing yet She said Mother, your taste has been charred up and wasted The dogs couldn't sniff their way through If you wanna feel cleaner I'll take you to meet her Come back with our fingertips blue Oooh Oh, hither and yon Went the dusk and the dawn When they mentioned the place that they'd been For no one could sleep With a heart full of heat From the strange sort of things that they'd said They said Father, I've grown up all wrong, to be honest The beautiful way that kids do And while you did raise me The deep one has changed me And now that I'm back, you'll change too Oooh Oooooh
9.
Lullaby 03:38
When you were small You played a drum Under the table Sturdy and stable Such clever hands Out of the sun Down in the meadow Silver light settled I’ll give you permission to Do bad things you can’t undo Hide up in the climbing tree You can grow and be ugly That would be okay When you were small You found the key To a locked attic Up past the lattice Blow the dust off Squint and you’ll see Photos in red books Okay, so don’t look I’ll give you permission to Leave behind what they pursue Hide up in the climbing tree You can grow up still ugly That would be okay When you were small You had one wish You’ll never get it Bright stars indebted To that brown coin Tight in your fist Down like cement, it Knows that you meant it I’ll give you permission to Undertake every taboo Hide up in the climbing tree You can grow and stay ugly That would be okay That would be okay With me
10.
The River 04:56
Out in the cold with the lights off You were seen changing your world In with the soft cotton binding I have seen it I watch the planet twirl I have seen you I’m just that kind of girl I have waited patiently But the spaces never fill I discarded evidence That the river never will I would take you back to mayflies I would guide you back to god I would read you the very beginning I would pray for another flood But the end is moving fast And in the middle You can’t get back what you had I have seen evil incarnate He wears a smile and his hand Outstretched between us in offering Made heavy By frankincense and myrrh Don’t you take it You’re not that kind of girl I have waited patiently But the spaces never fill I discarded evidence That the river never will I would find each puzzle piece and I would baptize them in blood I would yank out every last tooth and I would wash us both in the flood But the end is moving fast And in the middle You can’t get back what you had I threw the books in the fireplace You were strung up like a cow Skinless and red-raw and struggling We all saw it We all watched the fingers curl He has seen you Guess you’re just that kind of girl I have waited patiently But the spaces never fill I discarded evidence That the river never will I would swim you to the shoreline I would bring you back to us I would show them what they’ve been missing I would stand strong before the flood But the end is moving fast And in the middle You can’t get back what you had
11.
Positive 02:53
When the worst comes When the world turns upside down When the wolves run And there’s nobody but other shaking deer for miles around Bad times come and go That the good can’t cancel out Though you might think so Tragedy just never seems to work like math somehow I think about what others say I think I’ll think another way Rather than surplus and owed Both sides continue to grow It’s all positive Not a take and give When it washes up on the shore It's all positive When you think of it As addition, another, and more Nothing can be worth it when you don’t get the choice to pay Just being alive at the end doesn’t make things okay Like I met my best friend On a day with crystal clear blue skies Then my dog died and I became aware that time was both malignant and a lie I think about what others say I think I’ll think another way Rather than up or down low All space continues to grow It’s all positive Not a take and give When it washes up on the shore It's all positive When you think of it As addition, another, and more Nothing can be worth it when you don’t get the choice to pay Just being alive at the end doesn’t make things okay I think about what others say I think I’ll think another way Rather than cons nixing pros Life just continues to grow
12.
Your nose on the window My thumb on the page The storm clouds that chose today of all days to bring in the rain Periphery is well and good When you don’t wanna see The great green tornado You may not or may own The act of forgiveness A charm on a chain The eons and ages that it took us to get to okay Through hollyhock and daffodils We stumble just to see The countryside crumble Under flashes and rumbles Up in the treetop a cricket sings He sings of summer and growing things Down in the valley, a rushing stream And you with your big heart And me inside your arms The sun through the window The wind through the leaves The pavement that burns and tears and leaves you with raw bleeding knees And for to keep the heat at bay Come lie down next to me And we can just forget The things we don’t know yet Up in the treetop a cricket sings He sings of summer and growing things Down in the valley, a rushing stream And you with your big heart And me inside your arms A wide open window A reason to stay An evening that cools and glows and glistens to play out the day And when we’ve reached the end of things Believe me when I say I’ll be there to meet you In quite a familiar way

about

Dirty Calendar is Noel Shiri's first self-produced demo album, completed during 2020 quarantine in isolation in her parents' den. It combines folk, indie rock, and fart sounds to achieve a dirty journey through a year in the life.

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released August 31, 2020

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Noel Shiri Saint Paul, Minnesota

Composer and sound engineer for the critically acclaimed 'Dames and Dragons' podcast as well as an all around stinker.

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